Talking to Your Teen About Drugs and Alcohol

Plan It Out

Give your teenager a heads up as to when they can expect “the talk.” If your adolescent isn’t prepared or feels ambushed, they’ll be less likely to keep an open mind during your conversation. Be clear about what your child can expect from the talk. You can say something like, “This weekend, let’s discuss alcohol and drugs. You’re not in trouble. I want to talk about where we stand and be open to any questions or concerns you have.”

Use “I” Statements

To ensure that your teen remains receptive to what you have to say, be sure to stay curious and calm during any conversation. After listening (without interruption) to what your teenager has to say, try to repeat what you heard with “I” statements. That way, you can show your child empathy and that you were listening to their ideas and emotions. You can say things like, “I hear you say you’re feeling…” or “Am I right in saying that you’re feeling…”

Use Teachable Moments

Point out things you’d like your adolescent to know about drugs and alcohol in everyday situations. For example, identify drug-related cases in celebrity headlines, or talk about advertising and depictions of substance abuse on TV or in the media. How do these depictions make your child feel? Use these moments to explain the consequences of abusing drugs and alcohol.

Explain Your Reasons

Often, parents order their children to do things without explaining the reasons behind those decisions. The explanation is very important when you’re inviting your teen to engage in an adult conversation with you. Explain your rules, but have an “amnesty policy” as a safeguard. Amnesty policies help keep teenagers safe without letting them off the hook.

For example, explain to your child that if they are ever in danger and need to call you for help, you will refrain from grounding or yelling at them because they made an effort to call you for help instead of keeping their mistake a secret. You can still talk with your teenager about the consequences of their choice, but refrain from harsh punishment as a way to reward them for coming to you in a time of danger. You might use the amnesty policy if your teen calls you for cab fare instead of trying to drive home — or accepting a ride from a friend who isn’t sober — from a party at which they were drinking or using drugs.